photo by Yersinia

Hard to say if Gordon Ramsay is helping or hurting his name and reputation in the U.S. From the formulaic mess that was the U.S. version of Kitchen Nightmares to now apparently opening a restaurant that’s getting mixed reviews. I still want to go; maybe it’s new and there are birth pains.

LAist has a pretty devastating but amusing piece on it today. Here’s part.

Step 4: Figure out the menu

In a take on the tapas-sushi-small plates craze, the menu is not divided into courses, but price ranges with little rhyme nor reason. Although the server states that the lighter courses are near the beginning, they are not. Hog’s head and rack of lamb are not light dishes. Chilled pea soup and Caprese are not heavier dishes.

Don’t fault the server for not always knowing what is on your plate – they are not given tastings or even fed cheaper variations on your meal for their group meal. Some of them have never eaten anything in the restaurant before. In addition, the menu is often not descriptive enough, offering simply foie gras when what arrives is actually pate de foie gras.

The small plates, a variation of the bar menu at the London New York, have their problems. One problem is that small plates get cold very, very quickly. It is about surface area and heat dissipation, if I remember high school physics. Cold mashed potatoes are BAD.

Step 5: Take a chance
Duck tongues, really? Really? It is like something out of Monty Python, “I’ll have the lark’s tongues and kitten ears, please, with a side of peacock vomit.” Maybe the weird decor is supposed to hint at Rome during the middle-ages The upside to the menu is that it gives people a chance to stretch their culinary boundaries a little and try something new. The downside is the precious little geometric shapes are sometimes laughable. Make sure to dine with someone who has a sense of humor, as this is going to be kind of funny.

LAist: Gordon Ramsay at the London: A How-to Guide

Things are a lot less mixed over on Yelp!, though; Ramsay is getting four stars overall. Here’s what Lillian from Glendale says…

Gordon Ramsay yells a big game, but can he put out some great food? The answer is yes. Great food experience, with some hiccups.

First course: Chilled English pea soup with organic smoked salmon, creme fraiche, and caviar. The vibrant green soup was refreshing and clean. I noticed a hint of fennel or anise in it. Set in the middle was a neat pile of the wonderfully coral salmon with small dollops of creme fraiche and caviar. A great way to get my pallate going.

Second course: Wild asparagus risotto with chive flowers. This was to die for! Creamy and rich. The rice still had a bite to it, not mushy. The wild asparagus were thin and delicate (nothing like your run-of-the-mill asparagus). The most delightful thing on the dish were the chive flowers. They had great onion flavor – delicate not overpowering. Plus they lent a great lavender color to the plate.

Third course: Monkfish in crispy chicken skin and lemon thyme consomme. Beautiful medallions of monkfish wrapped in paper-thin chicken skin. The flavor of this was wonderful, but a little disappointing. I love love love fried chicken skin, and I wanted the flavor of that to ring out with the monkfish. It didn’t quite happen.Fourth course: Braised pigs head. No, they don’t bring you Porky’s head on a platter. Rather, it’s a candybar of carnitas on steroids. Very rich. At some points, I thought it was too rich, but the accompanying horseradish mashed potatoes pleasantly cut through the richness. It was amazing.

Fifth course: Cheese plate. 2 goats’ cheeses (can’t remember the names) and 1 bleu (fourme d’ambert). This was very tasty. Accompanied by quince paste (loved it), fruit chutney (dried apricot overpowered this), toast, sugared walnuts, and honey.

Sixth course: Dessert – 1.) Pineapple souffle with Thai curry ice cream… light, airy, delicious. There was something spicy in it that hit the back of your throat. I’m assuming it’s in the curry ice cream. Not sure, because they put the ice cream in the middle of your souffle at the table. 2.) Milk chocolate sticky toffee pudding… gooey, and wonderful. As you dig your spoon into the little cake, there is an eruption of molten sticky toffee sauce that emerges from inside. It comes with a scoop of banana ice cream. Heaven.

Gordon Ramsay – West Hollywood – West Hollywood, CA

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I ran into Gordon Ramsay at the NBC commissary just now – he’s appearing on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno tonight. It’s my second live Ramsay sighting. I said hi, thanked him for signing the cookbooks last time he was on Leno and got a hello and a firm handshake. Damn, he’s huge.

I didn’t want to take his time but I asked him if he’d been by Sebastian’s, the subject of one of the most infamous episodes of the US version of Kitchen Nightmares. I said “It’s closed” at exactly the same time he did and then he added “Thank god! That guy was a knob!” I can only ask you to imagine Ramsay’s accent saying ‘knob’; it almost had three syllables. Ramsay gave me a smile and a wink and that’s the update!

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Gordon Ramsay Mania continues and I’ll be covering the new season four of Hell’s Kitchen, even though it’s my least favorite Ramsay show. But this one at least has some extra interest because the winner will become executive chef at Ramsey’s new Los Angeles restaurant at The London – West Hollywood.

Here’s the teaser trailer…

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This happened a few week ago and I basically had let it slide, but Sebastian’s restaurant is closed. Sebastian’s was featured on the U.S. version of Gordon Ramsay’s show Kitchen Nightmares and probably had the most universal and overwhelming response against anyone – people just really didn’t like Sebastian and I assume most of them won’t be suprised that the restaurant closed just a few months after the show aired.

The weird recent development is all the comments I’ve gotten from someone who claims to be a Sebastian’s cook but who seems like Sebastian himself. Read the comments here and here but here’s a short sample…

But really – go read the comments yourself. Very odd.

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If you’re looking for my comedy videos that Rosie O’Donnell, Rolling Stone, and Kos loves – click here to jump down to them all.

Tonight’s episode – the Kitchen Nightmares season finale – is set in Moorpark, California at a restaurant with a French chef and a slightly weird menu. Talk in comments!

9:00 – The most stubborn chef? More than Sebastian’s? And more puking? Oh, man…
9:01 – They love the racial stereotypes, don’t they? This week – the French!
9:03 – It’s the secret door!
9:04 – Really? Nobody told them Gordon was coming?
9:05 – His gram-gram. Nice. And there are sure making Gordon out to be a total dick.
9:07 – Weird – it’s the season finale and Gordon hasn’t had one single good meal the whole year.
9:08 – The waitress says she doesn’t get complaints on the food. And the reviews I read were okay. So…gee, who to believe.
9:09 – wow – the season finale and every single chef or owner has been arrogant all season.

BREAK – Same old, same old, really.

9:13 – Okay – the maggot potato is gross. That is. Is it real? Not sure, but it is gross.
9:15 – I guess Gordon just seems like a total ashole tonight. Nothing of the helpful mentor, at all.
9:17 – Time for a dinner service – I predict it goes badly.
9:18 – Crusted. Crusted. Crusted.
9:19 – It’s 8:45 in Moorpark and there are few diners. I think I know why – because it’s 8:45 in Moorpark, that’s why.
9:20 – Arrogant. Blah blah blah. Arrogant.

BREAK

9:26 – Fake closed signs. Yow.
9:28 – Can we show more cooking, please? Maybe? Please…oh, no – it’s the end of season…
9:31 – Can I just cut and paste from every other episode?

BREAK

9:38 – Just a dick.
9:39 – Wow – Gordon bought them new stuff. And the Chef dude hates it!
9:41 – It’s like French Sebastian’s!
9:42 – Miss California just showed up? No…
9:43 – Unexpectedly a bus showed up? No…

BREAK

9:47 – Boilerplate Kitchen Nightmares
9:49 – He’s peesed!
9:50 – Gordon walks – and pulls out the ‘donkey’.
9:51 – They love those random shots of people turning around, don’t they?

BREAK

9:53 – Are we getting a happy ending tonight?
9:54 – Devon is a pretty gnarly California cook dude.
9:55 – Oh, here it comes – get ready to cue the happy ending.
9:56 – And another totally fake food critic. Do they not know that food critics don’t COMPLAIN?
9:57 – The producers gave the customers $50 though, right?
9:58 – Happy music! It’s a success! Shock! Stun!

That’s a wrap – I’ll be picking the winner tonight and announcing it tomorrow morning. You have until midnight Hawaii time to enter and maybe win a Gordon Ramsay cookbook by commenting a recipe!
9:59 – “Please do not screw it up” Copyright 2007, Gordon Ramsay

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Tonight’s episode is back in California, specifically Moorpark. (Did you know Moorpark spelled backwards is Krap Room? It’s true!)

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Again if this were the UK Nightmares – this might be a great episode. As it is – meh. I’ll be liveblogging at 9pm east, 6pm west.

Here’s a review and a little about Chef Michel Bardavid.

High energy, charismatic and young Michel Bardavid had all the credentials needed for a food knifeslinger. Born in Lyon, France, the birthplace of haute cuisine, he actually did have a stint on Sunset Blvd. with culinary vunderkint Ken Frank at the short-lived and trendy Argyle. He worked at Checkers in Los Angeles under Thomas Keller, now of The French Laundry as well as at Ma Maison where Wolfgang Puck got his start. The Bel-Air Hotel and the revolving door at Sherwood Country Club also appear on his resume. Capturing the attention of the culinary tenderfeet in Moorpark- Simi and hopefully Westlake-North Ranch would seem to be as easy as roping a calf in a corral. Well, as it turns out, not quite.

It is true that under Bardavid’s rein, the dishes are now easily remembered but no longer pricey. Many main courses are under $20. For $2 you can add a wonderfully dressed remarkably fresh and ample baby green salad with a lemon vinaigrette. My wife had a perfectly pan seared Mahi-Mahi over a medley of vegetables with truffle essence (19.50). I love bouillabaisse and am a hard marker. The copious portions of fresh clams, shrimp, salmon and whitefish (25.00) were poached perfectly moist in a reduced lobster broth, Provence style. Fresh herbs are grown behind the main dining room in The Secret Garden.

Secret Garden

And – you can STILL maybe win a Gordon Ramsay Cookbook! Even if you’re just here for the political videos!

It’s totally free and so easy to enter! It’s totally free and so easy to enter! Plus, your odds of winnning are good right now because we only about a fifteen or so entries. Complete details are here.

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I’m in my first editorial war on Wikipedia and it’s no fun.

A few days ago, I noticed from hits coming into this site from Wikipedia. I went over and found out that somone had added a section about Criticism to the WIkipedia Kitchen Nightmares page. Again – I didn’t add this link to site, some total stranger did. I have no idea who.

So I went over to correct a couple of things – there was a spelling error and an explanation of something was slightly wrong. Then today, I noticed the whole section was missing.  I undeleted it – and then it was deleted again. It’s one particular editor that I’m having trouble with – you can read the back and forth here-look for the Kitchen Nightmares section.

I’ve been editing Wikipedia stuff for a couple of years now. Not too much stuff but I understand editorial policy. I’ve worked professionally as a writer and editor for over fifteen years now. And now some dude from the Netherlands whose claim to fame is that he is into Doctor Who gets to tell me I’m not a reliable source when I spoke firsthand to people and related that on this blog? I don’t think so. We’ll see how it goes.

Update: Here’s how it went…

I want to strangle people. Wikipedia admins are little hitlers with no common sense.

Poor Jimbo Wales.

More Update: My lovely wife Lauren had a panic attack last night at about 3am and so I’ve been attending to her for the last 17 hours or so. She’s been puking up bile and sweating and miserable; panic attacks are really nasty, if you aren’t personally familiar with them. So, between cleaning her puke bucket out I’ve been going back and forth about what this policy is or what a guideline is or whether blogs are ever valid as cites and what counts as ‘original research’ and stuff like that.

Cleaning the puke bucket was more fun.

Poor, poor Jimbo Wales.

He started a religion! He didn’t mean to, but the admin side of Wikipedia is truly the biggest Gordian Knot Clusterfuck Of Epistemological Misunderstanding And Bickeing I’ve ever seen in my life. Byzantine in it’s construction and terminology and ruled by people who don’t actually understand the policies that they are enforcing. Bizarre. Yuck. And counter productive – no wonder the Kitchen Nightmares page sucks there. And that’s just for a dumb TV show! Glad I didn’t get into theology or Star Wars or something controversial.

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Tonight’s episode should be interesting because as my preview of Campania said, it seems we have a chef who is very competent with a restaurant that’s busy. Will Fox stick to their script or bring a much needed dose of reality to tonight’s Nightmares? Your comments are or join the discussion on the Stranahan.com message boards.

UPDATE: I’m now convinced that Kitchen Nightmares just makes stuff up completely on a regular basis. Bill Pitcher from NorthJersey.com did a MUST READ blog that I mention and link to below. Great work, Bill.

I will have a overview post in the next few days detailing the mess of falsehoods and fakery that Kitchen Nightmares has become. It’s pretty pathetic really.

Now on with the show…

9:00 Opening shows empty restaurant ‘headed for disaster’, clueless chef owner…
9:02 Said Joe Cerniglia took over 18 months ago and ‘business seriously’ declined…more on this later…
9:03 People acting immature
9:04 Debt of the restaurant is overwhelming, as is personal debt. Is that scary looking ‘You better!’ guy for real?
9:05 Edited awkwardness….I doubt it really went like that….
9:06 Gordon tries the food – shock. He doesn’t like it!
9:07 Bad breath isn’t exactly the same as saying the food is bad, is it?
9:08 And didn’t like the chicken. But there’s a lot of editing going on.

Break: There’s another live blog you can follow, live from the restaurant here…

9:14 Joe is not an ‘inexperienced’ owner….that’s just untrue.
9:15 The lack of customers doesn’t jibe with any review I’ve read – but Fox has a script and that’s part of it.
9:19 More of the script – food is late and lame. But they keep bringing up the portion size so there may be something to that.

Break – Bill Pitcher is a very fast typist! He asks a good question “Let’s suppose for a moment that a customer just happened to do something so ridiculous and immature as to order a pizza from another restaurant. And let’s suppose that Fox just happened to have a camera on him. And let’s suppose that Fox just happened to have his phone wired up to record it. ” Yeah, just suppose.

9:25 Going to visit the wife….oy
9:26 I am willing to believe that Joe may have needed help running the business – but I don’t believe that it was that bad, really and I know they are portraying the owner wrong
9:28 Gordon says he goes to Sicily for meatballs – but the name of the restaurant is CAMPANIA, which ain’t Sicily is it?
9:29 Those T Shirts and hading out meatballs is totally cheesy – AND – that is not the kind of restaurant Campania seems to be – the menu is more upscale, fine dining.

Break : Bill Pitcher is my hero. I’m just quoting highlights, but he’s there on the scene and boy – the show just lies about stuff. No other way to put it.

Pitcher says…
““With the aid of Gordon’s recipe, Joe and his staff are now armed with outstanding meatballs,” the narrator just said.

Wow, that’s a blatant lie. That’s not even close.

The recipe is not Ramsay’s. It’s Cerniglia’s. And it’s so guarded, he once told me he’d share any recipe “except that.”

(snip)

The show has yet to mention a certificate that Campania has New Jersey’s best meatballs, a copy of which is posted here in the restaurant. We suspect that’s what Ramsay’s holding in his hands in this photo, taken by Tyson Trish at the restaurant’s reopening. (It hasn’t been aired yet.)”

9:35 The logo is better, yeah.
9:36 And the free makeover is really the only reason I can see to let Kitchen Nightmares come in and lie about you.
9:38 And – we had Gordon cooking for about 30 seconds…
9:39 This thing about selling the whole menu is Actually Interesting – good idea, very interesting….MORE of THAT, please

Break

9:44 Think about it – how would a new menu pack a restaurant instantly? The producers packed the restaurant….
9:45 The complaining ladies – my bet – paid ‘customers’
9:46 Why would Gordon talk to a customer that way? Why? And why let Fox make him look like a total asshole?
9:47 Hey – it’s time for someone to walk out isn’t it?
9:48 Orders are backed up – why? Because it’s about 48 minutes into Kitchen Nightmares. But – I predict a turnaround!
9:49 Yes – when the producers overbook the restaurant, orders go out late. Every fookin’ week, in fact.

break

9:52 Ah, New Jersey – love the drunken yelling in the parking lot.
9:53 Bill Pitcher says joe left because Gordon told him to – but we have to have a walk out…and noooooow…
9:54 The turnaround!
9:55 Cue the upbeat music….
9:56 Everyone had a app, entree, and dessert because the food was free…
9:57 Read the reviews – the food was always known for quality…
9:59 Wow. Fox just follows the same script no matter what, don’t they?

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I’ll be live blogging Kitchen Nightmares on Wednesday at 9pm Eastern, 6pm West. Come back and comment and also check out our Gordon Ramsay category for a ton of info about Kitchen Nighmares.

Next up on Kitchen Nightmares – Campania, an Italian restaurant located at 15-17 Broadway in Fair Lawn, New Jersey.

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Campania is named for the Campania region of Italy, home of Naples and the original pizza. Chef / Owner Joe Cerniglia seems like one of the first U.S. Kitchen Nightmares chefs with a real restaurant pedigree. He even seems to be something of a minor ‘celebrity chef’…

Joe Cerniglia began his restaurant career at the famed Gallagher’s Steak House in NYC at the age of 23. A self-taught chef, Cerniglia soon became the executive chef of the landmark steakhouse Gallagher’s. From there, he became the vice president of operations, both nationally and internationally.

During his time with Gallagher’s Steakhouse, Cerniglia soon became known as a guru for all things concerning grilling, making regular appearance on national and local television shows such as the Fox News Channel, Good Day New York, WOR 11, NBC and a host of other radio and print productions.

(snip)

Cerniglia regularly gives live cooking demonstrations at Chef Central in Paramus and Macy’s at Herald Square in New York City.

ZoomInfo Web Profile: Joe Cerniglia

And the reviews of Campania that I’ve found are all good, although one or two do mention slow service, but not in a complaining way. Here’s a review from over a year ago – so there’s no ‘pre-Nightmares’ BS – but recent reviews are just as excellent.

By far the best Italian food in New Jersey!: The food here is absolutely outstanding. My fiance and I had heard about it a few months ago and first visited on a Saturday night – the (young) chef/owner is absolutetly brilliant at pasta – we had his homemade raviolis filled with braised veal and sage in a mascarpone brodo – heaven! A couple sitting next to us knew the owner personally and told us that he makes his own fresh mozzarella and pasta every day, along with a huge variety of seasonal dishes. We’ve since been back quite a few times and the food is just as exciting on each visit. If you like fish, the chef always highlights an exotic and totally fresh fish preparation – I had a piece of halibut baked under parchment paper with mussels and clams. The waiter presented it to us tableside and removed the parchment – this may have been the best piece of fish I’ve ever eaten (the parchment allowed the fish to steam and absorb the flavors and aromas of the herbs). The menu is extremely varied with an emphasis on food from the Campania regiion in Italy. Hint – this place gets packed on the weekends – go on a weeknight if you like a quieter dinner.

Campania Restaurant, 17-15 Broadway, Fair Lawn, NJ on Yahoo! Local

Huh. Packed house, great food – not much of a Nightmare really, is it? It will be interesting to see how they portray the restuarant. I think it actually could be pretty positive, unless Fox sticks to their stupid script. The preview videos on Fox’s website show Ramsay actually defending the chef – by attacking a customer. Bet she was paid…

Here’s an interesting related video and hey! It’s Chef Gordon Ramsay actually making food, something we rarely see in the U.S. It’s Ramsay milking a buffalo and making the first true Buffalo Mozzarella in Scotland. (Think water buffalo, not bison.) The clip includes fast driving, thick accents and the word ‘knackered’. Brilliant…

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The live blog is complete but the discussion continues…and read our other Lela’s posts here and here if you haven’t….

Haven’t done this before, let’s see how it goes. Please comment in comments (duh) or on our new discussion board.

9:01 – Intro – It makes Pomona look quaint, really. Aspiring artists, students and car enthusiasts..
9:02 – Oh, and the homeless…that’s more the way I remember Pomona….
9:03 – There’s an ‘A’ on the window in the background….so it’s probably clean. Right?
9:04 – Gordon arrives…the place is empty. That sounds totally accurate.
9:05 – “All I know about Chef Ramsay is that he yells a lot.” Thank Fox for that. He can cook, too.
9:06 – Ramsay ordered the lamb with chocolate sauce! I knew it!
9:08 – “That’s why they call them nachos.” Huh?
9:09 – That lamb is $25. That little frozen lamb.
9:10 – The part about the brownies – they make it seem like ‘Buzzard’ ate them, but on the YouTube page there’s a ‘recreation’ of Buzzard eating brownies. Hmmm….I think they were just out but they wanted to edit it to make it more interesting.

Commercial Break – So far, there are real restaurant problems…arrogant chef with a bad, poorly thought out menu. Also seems like a weak owner, a real common problem on the UK KN. This episode seems like it sucks less than the rest of the series so far. A little.

9:14 – Sorry, $27 for the little frozen lamb.
9:15 – Oh, Gordon HATES chefs with the words ‘executive chef’ on a business card, license plate or sewed into something.
9:17 – An ‘A’ doesn’t mean clean, I guess.
9:18 – I never would have guessed the backwards baseball cap tattoo dude didn’t eat fine dining.
9:19 – Meet the crew. I sense a hiring problem.
9:20 – Buzzard is caught with wine and then storms out. The edited seemed a little squirrelly there to me. Probably more there then meets the eye.

Break – The New York late news will have a story from Ramsay’s head chef about Turkey Mistakes. Nice tie-in!

9:25 – Finally, I see BRIAN! Maybe I missed him earlier.
9:26 – This ‘confront the chef’ scene is one of the big differences from the UK version.
9:27 – Buzzard is fired…seems right, I think…hard to say for sure.
9:28 -The blind taste test….a Ramsay standby but I still like it. I wonder how many Ricky actually got wrong, though.
9:30 -More wacky editing – will Lex really walk out? Was Ricky really talking about Gordon?

Break – halfway through the show – LET GORDON COOK, for fook’s sake.

9:34 – I don’t know if a makeover is really what the restaurant needs.
9:35 – Ummm…the feel of Pomona? In my mouth?
9:37 – A catering truck?
9:39 – And he waves his magic wand…and a makeover. Sad it won’t last through the summer.
9:40 – The chef switch – another Ramsay standby, but effective.

Break – They really blow right past the cooking, don’t they? I could use 10 more minutes of cooking and 10 less minutes of bullshit.

9:44 -Hey, he didn’t invite the homeless!
9:45 – My god – the mayor of Pomona! They HAVE pulled out all the stops – or the mayor of San Dimas or the queen of Diamond Bar were booked.
9:47 – Yes, we know – the producers overbooked the restaurant so it’s a rocky start.
9:49 – Yes – overbooked, orders go out late, wrong table – I can copy and paste this for the next episode.
9:50 – Lex, dude…you never had a chance. They OVERBOOKED you, man…
9:51 – If Lex whips off those glasses – watch out!

Break – If you overbook a restaurant to cause chaos, chaos will ensue.

9:54 – Ricky is back and the MAYOR OF POMONA is waiting.
9:55 – It’s the meal for any Pomona Day? Like…Tuesday?
9:56 – Huh – why am I suspicious about Lex leaving?
9:57 – ‘Rocky Start” is trademark, Gordon Ramsay
9:58 – BRIAN!
9:59 – Cue happy music – everything improved and the restaurant made money and everyone loves everyone and the mayor of Pomona is happy!
9.59 and 40 seconds – Oops – five months later, it closes….get through those five seconds quick….

And that’s it – more live blogging next week!

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